FML

I decided the pilgrims aren't worthy of my time, so i wont tell you guys about how they were assholes, because hardly anyone reads this and i need to get stuff out.


The holidays were good, i dont know why people always complain about them being stressful, i imagine most of those people dont go to school, use birth control or have jobs if thats the most stressful thing they can think of. You just buy shit for people and eat.

But now its January which is the shittiest month next to september, maybe worse in fact. Even though the announcement of the Soundgarden reunion made it less horrible this is still the time of year i get angry and bored of life.

I have lost my motivation in school. I have 4 Bs, 2 B-s and 1 A. Now that sounds good but the thing is the classes im getting the lower grades in are all fucking easy and i should be getting As. I hate those people who get pissed about getting a B and so im actually really confused right now, because now im kind of one of those people, but im also kind of not because those people are all honors, future AP, ivy league aspiring kids. I have a B in math, that is a problem because they put me in a fucking slow math class. Even though thats probably the highest grade in the class that pisses me off because it should be easy for me, because the class is fucking slow. But im just not doing it right. Then Science is easy, i should have taken honors, the only reason i didn't was because i thought this year would be hard and i didnt want to do the internship. English WAS easy because my teacher actually dosnt want us to become suicidal (until today at least) but of course the other person working on the project had to get sick and i have no fucking time left because we spent the last 2 weeks of english doing latin hw. Latin is fucked up because i am unorganized with it and lose everything. And health, health isn't even a real class so that means i should get an A, but i have a B. I guess i got a D on my anti drug project, i have not been explained on why but i am assuming it contained too many facts and not enough scare tactics and propaganda. I worked so fucking hard on that project to, over break actually. I was up til like 2 am the day before it was due and i actually put effort into it. I have had one project this year where my effort had actually payed off, i would have had 2 if english wasnt so fucked up. See the problem is that i need higher grades then most people with my train of thought think they need because of a few reasons.

1. I dont like most people here so i dont do much after school, that apparently pisses colleges off.

2. Peer pressure, fuck! people think peer pressure is all about drugs and shit. At this place i'd much rather have friends who are OCD about smoking weed then school. Its not direct, they are not like "wtf you are not in all honors what is wrong with you?" but its just like "oh i got reccomended for all AP, what about you guys? you didn't oh why not?"

3. I feel out of place is normal/slow level classes, im one of the only white kids normally. Im sorry if thats racist but its true, something about the culture here has white people all up their asses and snobby here. They are like OCD here. Now obviously i have nothing against non white people, its actually nice to be the only white kid sometimes because i think its cool being exposed to diversity, esspecially coming from a private school thats like 95% white/Asian. I just feel awkward. Also the people in regular/slow mostly dont care about school, probably because they are fucking kids who want to hang out with friends and have fun stuff like normal, functioning 15 year olds are supposed to.

Even though some of my friends arn't like all A students they are still taking like 4 AP classes because they are really fucking smart. I cant do that, i cant just go home and start hw and finish it even if it takes me 5 hours, i could last year but not any more. I dont know what the hell is wrong with me, i mean i know im just not school smart but its just like how can everyone else be so motivated and school smart and perfect? I went to a private middle school aren't i supposed to be in all honors like everyone else from the school was? Why cant i figure that shit out? I get pissed off at my friends because i actually wish i could be like them and think they are smarter then me. Im not actually that pissed at them im just pissed at myself. I am so confused and i hate this school. I tried hanging out with not honors kids last year but they kind of just wanted to copy my HW. I mean i let them because thats how society in our school is, even though your not allowed to its like something everyone does and its rude not to. I just hate listening to people talk about how they got recommended for all AP when i'm probably not gonna even take a fucking AP class next year.

Oh and to make things worse my spontaneous increasing interest in boys is killing me because im to insecure for dating, half of the boys in my grade havn't even finished fucking puberty and most of the ones who have are taken. Also most guys like stupid girls with weak personality's and no opinions and im sorry but not everyone can look like fucking megan fox belive me if i could i'd love to because then i'd have shit handed to me and i wouldn't have to worry about any of this shit. Although i'd obviously feel guilty for exploiting and others myself buts thats pretty much what society is all about.

Also my teacher decided to call my mom and now she wont even leave me alone because of this english project thing.

Ok now thats out, good.

Stupid metal beards.

I have contacts now, they are cool. Exsept for the contact people wont give me any more free eye drops because they are cheap ass dickweeds.

anyway here are some things i did NOT do in the past few weeks....

1.Stick gum on Chris Cornells face in a waiting room magizene.

2.Go six days without showering.

3.Spend 37 bucks on markers.

4.Break the promise i made to myself that i wouldn't buy a Soundgarden cd at a chain store because I am mad at Chris Cornell.

5.Ask someone to get like 10 cds worth of underground grunge/alternative songs for me in a way that i dont know is legal.

6.Spit inside on the floor several times.

7.Put hand sanitizer in my hair because i didn't feel like washing it.

8.go throgh like 200 peices of gum in one week

9.Not do everyday things like answer the door or phone because i was to lazy to get up.

10.Used the phrase Douche Bag thousends of times in the past few days.

Those are all immature,inresponable,rude,strange and innapporate things to do.

I did however get moved into slow math and it is so easy and i love it. The only problem is as soon as i got used to it they told me i will go back to normal math next year so i can spend like 3 hours on math every night. But out of the like 20 kids only like seven are left in the normal math class because the teachers suck so much.

I also just relized that technicly Alice In Chains and Soundgarden are metal bands which technicly makes me a regular metal listener and that is actually kind of a problem because i have never really got alot of things about metal like why metalheads always have weird beards or why they need so many subgenres.

I mean i'm all for dressing weird and stuff but the beards metal heads/bands have are ridiculas.






I mean that is really unnessasary. The only, i repet ONLY person who can pull off a goatee is Layne Staley and he is dead.



So tomorrow we have no school because of some polish dude with horses or something yay.

Its always sad to see a gifted musician sell out.

Obviously the vast majority of songs receiving airplay are completely unoriginal commericalized music made solely for the intent of profit rather then artistic expression. So obviously if i was to get upset every time i heard commericalized crap music i would have already killed myself by now. Of course its natural for me to be upset when i see a musician i find gifted and/or who's work i admire get sucked in to the contemporary pop scene. Luckily for me most of my favorite bands are anti sell outs. Whether its Pearl Jam suing Ticketmaster or Nirvana intentionally making a less radio friendly follow up to Nevermind my thoughts on bands I like's actions regarding corporations and such are normally "Cool" or "YEAH! GO TAKE THOSE TICKETMASTER/RIAA/CLEAR CHANNEL MOTHERFUCKERS DOWN!" (it rarely works unfortunately.)

Unfortunately this is far from the situation of Ex.Soundgaden/Audioslave front man Chris i think im a fucking r&b singer now Cornell. He is working with timberlund or
whatever the guy who makes Justin Timberlakes albums is named. When i first heard this i didnt know who timberlund was but it sounded bad. At the time i just though "oh well lets remember his work in soundgarden/temple of the dog." Nice optimistic thought, that will work right? No.

Now whenever i try to watch a Pearl Jam video on YouTube or look up an Alice In Chains song lyric i get a big advertisement with a face that is only recognizable as Chris Cornell because of his stupid mustache(honestly i hate that mustache). It is like "LISTEN TO CHRIS CORNELLS SHIT NEW SONG HERE YOU KNOW BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO ARE LOOKING UP ALICE IN CHAINS JUST LIKE TIMBERLUND AND STUFF!!!" its like a big in your face thing. So I decided to do myself a favor and not listen to it. That worked for about a month or so.

See traditionally you have to listen to something before you announce it as shit. Because if i said it sucks and someone used the classic "have you even heard it?" comeback i would have had to lie. So i listened to it for about 10 seconds

AHHH WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT THIS IS WORSE THEN I THOUGHT HE IS LIKE JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE OR SOMETHING NOW!

I mean i'm all for musical experimentation and stuff. I'm ok with the fact that former Bikini Kill singer Kathleen Hanna is in some disco feminist electronic punk band now. I enjoyed Eddie Vedders more folky soundtrack for Into The Wild. Fuck im even starting to gain most of the respect back that i lost for Jerry Cantrell when i saw a video of him playing with Nickelback.But this is just shit, Its sad really. It dosn't sound like him.

So i just needed to get that out, on a lighter note....

Happy birthday to Kurt Cobain, he'd be 42. He's up celebrating his birthday with Layne Staley,John Lennon,Andy Wood and Elliott Smith (who has forgiven him for Courtney love chasing his friend down an alley or whatever).

I have already explained how these people are boring so now i have to explain why they also have low self esteem.

Arrogant sons of bitches run the world. Of course this isn't just an adult thing.When people think of arrogant teens they think of the popular ditz who gets all the boys/girls. Thats actually not a description that fits most kids with big egos. One thing i think people need to know that ego and self esteem are two different things. I know you hear "oh those kids who are popular are insecure." They probably are, most teenagers are. There is another group of people who are probably insecure. Those kids who are obsessed over their grades, why? because they must think they need to have As to assure themselves they are good.

Yesterday one of my teachers read a quote that said something like "Do not rest until your good is better and your better is best." They asked us what we thought the quote meant and I said "it means you should never just be happy with yourself and you should just keep obsessing over all your flaws." Apparently that was a negative interpretation but that is actually a literal interpretation of it.

I have a friend who does kind of poorly in school, actually she kind of sucks at getting good grades and stuff. But socially she is not someone to mess with. When a guy told her she had no tits she choked him and his face turned red, then she let go of him and said "please dont do that". Today at lunch someone else said something rude to her and she kicked him in the balls. That might be called mean but i call it rebelling against gender roles. That is not something someone with no passion or self esteem would do. Someone with no self esteem would just stuff their bras the next day. But according to my teachers people who dont do well in school have no passion or self esteem. I dont really understand that because i think people with low self esteem are the ones who think they needs a certain GPA to be successful. Now i have nothing against people who want to get into a good college to LEARN but most of those people who want to get into Harvard or Yale want to because it leads to a high paying job. Most of the people who are stereotypical nerds who love learning actually dont do very well in classes.

I am also well aware that my last four or so rants have been about this so if the imaginary people who read my blog are getting sick of it they will be happy to know my next rant will probably be about how their should be more girls in rock music or how pot should be legal or another one about how bad music is now.

How Fall Out Boy/Fuled by Ramen type bands ruined the definition of alternative part one

Middle School aged girls in abercrombie shirts sitting in the balcony, high school freshmen wearing clip on bows in their hair in the “mosh pit”. This isn’t a Britney Spears concert, It’s a Fall Out Boy, (supposedly an “alternative” band) concert.

You cant mosh to pop music, nor can you claim shopping at hot topic makes you individual, but try telling this to 12 year old girls who claim to be “really alternative” and “listen to really deep music.” How do I know? I was one of them, just not to the same existent. What I’m describing is my first concert, although I didn’t get the real experience because of the commercialization of the band.

Rewind to 1992, where if these 12 year old girls were generation Xers. They’d be in flannel shirts and ripped jeans, at a Nirvana show, and as Cobain looks down at his audience he thinks to himself “what the hell have I done.” Of course when Pete Wentz looks at his audience made up of mostly 10-15 year old girls in his audience, he probably thinks “oh this is the age were parents buy there kids anything.” Maybe he really thinks he’s a real artist, but his record label knows he’s not.

This isn’t a diss on major label bands, nor is it a diss on naïve 12 year old girls. It’s a diss on modern “rock” music. Other then a few original indie acts (Bright Eyes), bands from better eras in music still going (R.E.M, Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers) or a few good mainstream rock acts (Foo Fighters) modern music pretty much sucks. Fall Out Boy, Panic at the Disco, Metro Station, etc. all sound the same. All put more effort into their hair and makeup (yes they are dudes) then their music. Remind you of anything earlier?....

Yes I am associating Hair Metal with Pop “Punk”. The biggest difference is hair bands where not as fond of pretending to be sensitive or artistic as modern Pop “Punk” bands are. So I am actually, to some extent, suggesting that hair metal is more real then Pop “punk”.

How do we know Pop “punk” isn’t real? It’s not original, they all sound the same.

Metro Station


Plain White Tees



Cobra Starshit *cough* Ship sorry


Now what a fucking original batch of bands we have there.


Compare that to grunge bands, all have a unique sound

Pearl Jam


Alice In Chains


Nirvana


Screaming Trees


and lets go back to hair bands, all sound the same, but have oddly amusing videos…(some of these are NSFW)

Warrant

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48odQVIZKjI

(click on link, couldn’t find one with html)

Poison


Motley Crue (this one is super NSFW)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cX7tSJBh6Ho

RATT

And here are some non grunge alternative bands just to prove my point further

Pixies


REM


Radiohead





So I honestly think the first four videos and the hair metal videos are more alike then the first four videos and the grunge/alternative videos.


It’s noticeable in the lyrics as well. Alternative bands tend to have lyrics that are more metaphoric and less repetitive.

Pop (Metro Station-shake it)

“Now if she does it like this
Will you do it like that?
Now if she touches like this
Will you touch her right back?
Now if she moves like this
Will you move her like that?
Come on, shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it

Shake, shake
Shake, shake, shake it"

Pop Metal (Warrant-Cherry Pie)
“Swing it in the living room
Swing it in the kitchen
Most folks don't cause they're too busy bitchin'
Swing it in there cause she wants me to feed here
So I mixed up the batter
And she licked the beater

I scream, you scream
We all scream for her
Don't even try cause you can't ignore her”
Grunge
(Alice in Chains-Down In A Hole)
“Bury me softly in this womb
I give this part of me for you
Sand rains down and here I sit
Holding rare flowers
In a tomb...in bloom

Down in a hole and I don't know if I can be saved
See my heart I decorate it like a grave
You don't understand who they
Thought I was supposed to be
Look at me now a man
Who won't let himself be

Down in a hole, feelin' so small
Down in a hole, losin' my soul
I'd like to fly,
But my wings have been so denied”


I could keep giving examples but I think my point is proven. Modern day pop rock bands are more close to hair metal then alternative. The Metro Station video/song is about sex. The pop "punk" and the pop "metal" bands are much more glitzy, while the grunge ones are more emotional influenced, but without being whiney.

The annual "I have to write about how columbus was an asshole on columbus day" post.

Columbus did not discover America, we all know that. If you don’t you have been living under a rock, or you go to a catholic school. But do we know what he really did? In 7th grade I found a book on my dads bookshelf called “lies my teacher told me” I thought it would be funny. It wasn’t funny, but it changed the way I think about history.

Lets learn about Columbus now.

Columbus did not set sail to prove the world was round. Many educated people knew the earth was round thousands of years before Columbus. He set sail to find gold, spices, and silks, and other riches in Asia. Columbus landed on an island between Florida and Cuba, no one is sure exactly what island it was. Columbus believed he was in Asia even after three voyages to America and more than a decade of study.

Columbus was not even the first white man to settle in the Americans Scandinavian Vikings already had settlements here in the eleventh century, and British fisherman may fished in Canada decades before Columbus.

So what did he do? Well He seized 1,200 Taino Indians crammed as many onto his ships as would fit and sent them to Spain and sold them as slaves. His marauding band hunted Indians for sport and profit - beating, raping, torturing, killing, and then using the Indian bodies as food for their hunting dogs. The Spaniards demanded that the remaining Indians bring gold. There was almost no gold on Hispaniola. The people were told that if they brought no gold, nor spun cotton as a substitute, they would have their hands cut off and be left to bleed to death. So they fled. Some of the people in his crew tried to take young girls and force them to have sex, when they didn’t the crew raped them, some of them as young as ten. They also brought viruses from Europe that the natives did not have immunity too. Eventually life for the natives became so awful that many took their own life’s. Woman began to abort there children at birth because they believed the children would be happier dead. Within 50 years the population had been wiped out. We know all of this because Columbus and some of his crewmates kept diaries. Only after four years of Columbus' arrival his men had killed or exported one-third of the original Indian population of 300,000. Within another 50 years, the Taino people had been made extinct.

Therefore by celebrating Columbus day we are celebrating a man who was a slave trader. Personally, I think that we should celebrate Indigenous People's Day instead of Columbus day (did you know Berkeley California does that? just a fun fact).

The Big C”- Community or Conformity?

Weather:
Mood:
Music: Things behind the Sun- Nick Drake

The school I attend is very “community” based. Many of the rules that most of the students find unnecessary are apparently for the “community” or “the big C”. No ipods, no cell phones at lunch, etc. All because we are supposed to socialize. Now I have no problem with people socializing, my problem is some people are not always in the mood to “socialize”. Or sometimes people are not with their friends at the moment. Today at lunch my friends all went to the social studies room to catch up on their projects. So I sat alone, I am a quick eater so for about 15 minutes I sat and did nothing. Meanwhile the kids who are the ideal members of the community all giggled and screamed and made stupid jokes. Interestingly enough, the kids who are more active members of the “community” are more likely to talk in class, cheat on their “boyfriends” or “girlfriends”, and have trouble working in groups because they just want to gossip the whole time.

A few weeks ago we had those anti drug people come. The presentation was ridicules for the same reasons they always are, they give you no reasons not to do drugs they just tell you to “say no”, they over dramatize the social pressure, and they try to be “cool”. However, there was one part that was rather interesting, they asked for students to come up and act out a situation with them. About seven girls came up, in the scene one girl was trying to get her friend to drink and said to all the kids “see it’s good, try it!” all of the “cool” kids nervously giggled and tried it, but my friend said “no you guys are stupid, I’m going to leave and if you get caught that’s not my problem.” Afterwards they asked “now would you really drink?” and of course they all said no but I am pretty sure that a few unnamed people in that group would.

Now if you think about it, we are supposed to do what the “community” does. I know the teachers don’t intend to include stuff like drinking, but when kids are used to “following the community” they will probably not take the time to pause and think about what they are doing, they will just follow. Maybe regret it later, but they can’t go back in time. Another example is a few days ago kids were using the music room without permission. When the teachers asked them why they said “everyone else was there so I thought it was ok”. They are simply used to following the community, that’s the way their minds have been trained.

Of course I’m not saying outgoing people are all mindless conformists, but I am thinking perhaps because they want acceptance from their peers so much they are more likely to follow them in whatever they do, both good and bad. Perhaps we should be taught to follow what we think is the right thing to do instead of following the “community” because they could very well be doing something we are not supposed to do or something that isn’t a very good idea.

"Flannels" for 60 dollers?

Weather:
Mood:
Music:Overblown- Mudhoney

The Past two days I have been home sick. When I get sick I don't get so sick that i can't walk or anything. Therefor I am catching up on my 90s project, which is going quite well. With the 90s on my mind I have been listening to some grunge music thats not Nirvana. Thats quite new to me. I never tryed it before due to the fact that people said "other grunge is just screaming, Nirvana has talent". I found that to be quite untrue. Screamo is just screaming, I don't get that genre. Oh look "wake me up when september ends" has just came on Nirvanas similer artists radio on last.fm. Thats a bit odd.

Anyways this weekend my dad dragged me into sears and I found a flannel for 10 bucks in the mens department. So I bought it and wore it with my Nirvana shirt and old converses to a family party to see if my Grandmother would cry. She didn't notice. The next day I was at forever 21 buying earrings and I saw "flannels" for like 60 bucks. Apperantly "flannel" is in again. See I don't like trends, but I really don't like trends if it's something I did first or that was something I was fond of (ex. hating the goverment,listening to music that has never been on the charts,). So now it's like all these kids my age are running around going "OMgZz ThIS FLAnNeL tHiNg WOulD lOoK sO HaWt wItH mY NeWz AbErCrOMbe JeaNs!!111". Meanwhile i'm there with my 10 doller flannel from the mens department and i'm thinking "fuck you, I have a real flannel"

Basicly what i'm trying to say is.
A. can't the trend followers just stick with there little abercrombie cloths instead of ruining all that is good?
B. Why pay 60 bucks for something thats supposed to be cheap
and
C. Why is the fashion industry full of tools?